So, Wrestlemania eh? It’s strange old beast that comes around once a year to provide some things you want, some things you don’t and, much like Christmas, those awkward bits too.
This year featured one of the most stacked cards in history, with lovely looking matches left, right, centre, and even over there. Let’s break it down shall we, starting with the Pre-Show.
The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Yeah it was ok wasn’t it? Pretty solid as far as Battle Royals go. Great to see Woken Matt Hardy get the win with an assist from Bray Wyatt, practically still dripping from his dip in the Lake of Reincarnation. Interesting to see where their story goes from here. Also Mojo didn’t win.
HIT
Cedric Alexander vs Mustafa Ali
Ali appeared to be channelling his inner Mortal Kombat ninja during his entrance here. I quite enjoyed that. This match was an outstanding performance from the Cruiserweights with a deserved win for Alexander, who continues to justify the ‘please sign Cedric’ chant he got during the Cruiserweight Classic. Some wonderful sequences and a nasty bump to the outside, as well as some cheesy, but not quite cringeworthy, story telling during the match kept things moving at a good pace. A great match overall, worthy of Wrestlemania.
Shout out, and by shout out I mean middle finger to whatever idiot in the production truck decided to run an advert for the Rousey match on splitscreen during the Cruiserweight title match. I expected this to be the dumbest moment of the night, sadly WWE came close to topping it in the main event, but we’ll get to that. Seriously as if it isn’t insult enough to be stuck on the Pre-show, to have an advert, complete with sound, play during the build-up to the emotional climax of the match can only be described as a dick move. Still it’s testament to Alexander and Ali that they put in one of the best matches of the night regardless, and I believe earn the first Critical Hit we’ve ever awarded at BFG.
CRITICAL HIT
The WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal
Again another Battle Royal with some good storytelling going on here. Though the first two eliminations were a bit bizarre. Carmella’s beatdown, and subsequent elimination by the rest of the women made sense, but Dana’s just seemed odd. Still all the stuff with Bayley and Sasha was good, and by all the stuff I mean Bayley going straight for the elimination and not giving Sasha the chance to stab her in the back. Though the ending was a little muddled as Naomi was still in the match, and went on to eliminate Bayley for the win. It didn’t feel like Naomi has much of a surprise advantage, as Bayley got a good look at her before the two engaged. I felt like Bayley should have taken this one, but Naomi was still a worthy victor, and another feel good moment from the Pre-show.
HIT
Finn Balor vs Seth Rollins vs The Miz
A really solid opening match here, with high paced, high intensity, and high levels of enjoyment throughout. From Seth’s Game of Thrones inspired entrance, to some well thought out sequences inside and outside the ring, to The Miz being the MVP of the match. Honestly The Miz put in a wonderful performance, from his frantic offense, to his bumping and selling; the man is just a joy to watch and no more so here. The closing sequence in particular was a blast. A fine way to start the show proper, and an interesting victory for Seth.
HIT
Asuka vs Charlotte Flair
Let’s cut to the chase, I don’t think anybody saw that finish coming. Asuka’s streak is over, though it didn’t have much time to breathe on the main roster. Charlotte is now the top woman in the company if there was any doubt about it beforehand.
The match itself started slow, with impeccable technical wrestling, before moving into a quite traditional wrestling match punctuated by Asuka’s striking, Charlotte’s signature moves, and a nasty suplex from the apron to the floor. Tensions ran suitably high towards the end, as you’d expect with wrestlers of this calibre. This is a hard match to review as it’s difficult to try and think about the match without dwelling on the result. However as a total package (including Charlotte’s entrance), this claws its way into Critical Hit territory. Though honestly I’m still in shock.
CRITICAL HIT
Bobby Roode vs Jinder Mahal vs Rusev vs Randy Orton
This wasn’t a bad match, just felt a bit rushed and underwhelming. The result didn’t really help matters either. It did really feel like Rusev’s night, and fans certainly echoed that sentiment, but alas Mahal picked up the win and the title in a result that wasn’t greeted particularly fondly. Unfortunately Jinder’s WWE title run is still fresh in people’s minds, which didn’t exactly ingratiate the result to the crowd, or indeed many watching at home. Solid performances from those involved aren’t enough to save an unwelcome outcome, and a match that suffered from time constraints. These along with the further failure to capitalise on the popularity of a certain Bulgarian, make this match our first Miss of the evening. Truly this is the darkest of Rusev Days.
MISS
Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle vs Stephanie McMahon and Triple H
Trips and Steph nearly gave Charlotte a run for her entrance money with this one, but then Ronda came out to one the biggest pops of the night. A well worked match by all involved, with an easily understandable narrative to it. Rousey performed well for her in ring debut, with both her MMA background and typical pro wrestling drama combining in a suitably hybridised finish. The other major standouts of the match were the duelling submissions, reminiscent of The Revival vs DIY, and the child in me feeling a little bit giddy at seeing Triple H and Angle square off once more. Good stuff.
HIT
The New Day vs The Bludgeon Brothers vs The Usos
What’s with the weird CGI graphics that showed up during The New Day entrance and at various other points throughout the night? They were almost as distracting as camera cuts to John Cena in the early part of the show. Almost.
Bit of squash match here, with the Mallet Mates scoring the victory and the titles. Some stellar work by all three tag teams. It’s a shame the New Day vs Usos feud has already been played out, as just those two teams would have made for a fine Wrestlemania match. Regardless all the teams managed to come out of this one still looking good, despite the Hammer Homies going over strong.
HIT
John Cena vs The Undertaker
No selling his retirement with much more dignity the Ric Flair in TNA, Undertaker did indeed show up for a match against John Cena. Looking to be in Phenomenal (do you get it?) shape for a 53 year old man, Undertaker proceeded to dispatch a very frightened looking Cena in just under three minutes. The crowd cheered, Undertaker looked much healthier than last year, and Elias got to be a part of some pre-match shenanigans: a win all round. Though it’s up for debate as to whether this match should have taken place, with Undertaker’s symbolic leaving of his hat, coat and gloves in the ring last year. However given what happened last time Undertaker wrestled in the New Orleans Superdome, and the shape he was in at WrestleMania a year ago, it’s hard to begrudge the man an opportunity to put to bed some wrongs.
HIT
Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn vs Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan
Was Daniel Bryan’s return the loudest sustained crowd reaction of the night? Yes! After a pre-match battering from Zayn and Owens left Bryan being attended by medical staff at ring side, the match played out mostly predictably. Did it matter? No! Because of course it bloody didn’t. Daniel Bryan back in the ring off the hot tag from Shane McMahon was a breathtaking moment, as was seeing him victorious after a fantastic return to the ring. A gutsy performance from Shane, and some deplorable heel work from Owens and Zayn combine with everything else to make this one of the high points of the night.
CRITICAL HIT
Nia Jax vs Alexa Bliss
A satisfying conclusion to a feud that’s teetered on the brink of appropriateness and taste. Jax picking up the win was a feel good moment on top of a competent match. A couple of awkward parts still don’t manage to drag down the whole, with Bliss and Jax playing to both of their strengths to put together an enjoyable title match. Also it was great to watch Jax destroying Mickie at ring side during the start of the match. Honestly why don’t more faces do that? You’d think they’d learn by now.
HIT
AJ Styles vs Shinsuke Nakamura
Oooh Matron, the heel turn. Let’s just put it over there for now and talk about the match before we get too excited. An excellent performance on the grand stage from two men who have made their careers on giving excellent performances, often against each other. Much like it’s blue brand Women’s title match, this one started slow before picking up both the pace and the offense. Excellent technical work rolled into dramatic submissions breaking down into intricate strikefests. The ebb and flow of this one really drove the drama higher and higher, though the ending didn’t quite deliver. I was expecting a well coordinated finisher sprint, not necessarily with the finishers hitting, but just more attempted in general. Still this very much feels like the first of a series, and as an opening chapter it has me very much looking forward to what’s ahead.
In our Reasons to be Excited for WrestleMania 34 I called this match the unthinkable match, expecting it leave my jaw hanging around my boots from an in ring standpoint alone. When Nakamura turned on Styles after the heart warming embrace following Styles’ win, Nakamura did indeed do the unthinkable. It’s hard to imagine Nakamura turning heel, but once he did so he looked like a man unleashed, uninhibited, and unstoppable. The second major swerve of the evening, and I really can’t wait to see where this one goes. If I was contemplating not giving this a Critical Hit based on a shorter match, and a slightly unsatisfying ending, but the post match heel turn certainly catapulted things back into Critical Hit territory.
CRITICAL HIT
Braun Strowman and Nicholas vs The Bar
Well, that took a strange turn. Apparently we’re still pretty deep into swerve country because Braun Strowman and a child from the crowd (apparently the son of referee John Cone), beat Sheamus and Cesaro for the Raw Tag Team Championships. Not a sentence I imagined I’d be writing when I woke up this morning. Was the match good? Probably. I think so. Did it matter that much? Not really. It’s also worth mentioning Braun threw a Mardi Gras float off the stage. Why? Because Braun hates vehicles, haven’t you been paying attention? This was just weird wrestling fun.
HIT
Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar
What a hot mess this was. I don’t even know where to start. The crowd, most likely exhausted from six or so hours of wrestling and not enamoured with the prospect of a straightforward Roman victory, were mostly shit-chanting, booing, or loudly exclaiming the boredom throughout the match. Roman of course was greeted with the now customary boos, and a short lived ‘let’s go Roman’, ‘Roman suck’ chant did little to curb that. For the most part this match was a prime example of the worst excesses of modern WWE. The commentary desperately talking up Vince’s chosen puppy, while the crowd heaped disdain and disinterest all over the match. Lesnar, perhaps with fond memories of birthing a meme three years prior decided to do nothing but suplexes for a good while, which kinda got boring and lacked energy from Lesnar. After the suplexes we got into just a ridiculous finisher sprint with myriad Superman punches, four F5’s and more Spears than Spartan summer camp. Kick out after kick out the intention was clearly to ramp up disbelief in the audience, but they sadly couldn’t be moved from disinterest as there seemed to be something more notable going on in the crowd that WWE worked hard to keep off-camera.
In what almost seemed like an effort to save the match through giving the fans one of those old school naughty pleasures, Brock took off his gloves and busted Reigns open with some brutal elbows. Unfortunately this backfired spectacularly as Reigns bled everywhere, in what went from mildly uninteresting, to uncomfortable to watch, from train crash to train wreck. Reigns for his part let the blood fuel an intense comeback which we all presumed would lead to the inevitable Roman victory and a very quick towelling, before Roman assumed the position for photos that will be seared fans brain over the years to come. Then Brock won with a fifth, maybe sixth, F5.
This felt like a swerve for the sake of a swerve, and while many clearly didn’t like the idea of Roman winning clean, I don’t think anybody really likes this either, despite the pop for Brock getting the pin. The end of the match seemed a bit rushed, probably because Roman was losing all kinds of blood. As I wrote earlier this seemed to embody the worst excesses of modern WWE. In an era without competition Vince can book what he wants, and in an era where blading is considered unsafe, we get Brock Lesnar hitting another man until he bleeds uncontrollably. Is this a tipping point? Will things change? Maybe, probably not. We’ve reached these points before and very little usually happens, just business as usual on Monday. This was a shite way to end what was an otherwise enjoyable WrestleMania, and particular credit should be due to Roman, who looked for all the world like he was trying to make the best of a bad situation.
MISS
Overall
A good WrestleMania on the whole. Let down by some underwhelming moments, an appalling editing decision and horrible main event. Sadly these moments keep it from living up to its potential and going down as one of the best WrestleMania’s in history.
HIT
Match of the Night – Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
Simply put, no other match had the emotional kick of this one. Not just the return, but the setup for the hot tag too, and the Bryan victory. Both probably heard around the world in Yes! Chants, but also felt around the world in both the stomach and the damp eyes of many fans.
Best Entrance – Charlotte Flair
Her gender swapped call back to Triple H’s entrance four years ago was both appropriate and poignant for The Queen, as well as visually arresting.
Most Unwelcome Return – JBL
You know why.
Sign of the Night – I Don’t Even Like Times New Roman
Though it was nice to see Leonard is still alive. You have been missed.
Best Ring Gear of the Night – The New Day
Big E came close to winning our next award.
Biggest Boob Window – Nia Jax
Was it necessary? Not sure it was.
The Corey Graves Iron Bladder Award – Corey Graves
Announcing for both brands during the show, Corey was probably wishing he had a catheter installed. What a performance.
*Some egregious errors made in a post WrestleMania haze have now been addressed.
Image copyright WWE.
Big Friendly Gun 